Don't Be A Jerk Amongst Strangers
Don’t be a jerk among strangers...Be the likable person you want to be. Here's how.
Before you open your mouth to say hello, your first impression has already been made. Everything after you introduce yourself is simply to confirm the first impression. Good or bad, that’s the impression and changing it is an uphill battle. Thankfully, you have some control over the impression before it’s made.
Before walking into a room full of strangers, or meeting someone new, remind yourself of all of your positive attributes. As corny as it seems, I keep reciting to myself that “I am kind, loving, and capable.” Pick a couple attributes that describe who you really are and remind yourself that over and over. I use it as my mantra. Really, you can pick anything. Making your mantra, “I’m a mean, narcissistic, jerk” will make you come off as one...without even saying it out loud!
Now that you have your mantra squared away, you’re almost ready to start making friends with strangers. Remember, all of your best friends and enemies started out as strangers. Now is your shot at making more friends. Here is how I make friends, network, and have a good time while working a room.
The list:
Repeat your mantra in your head over and over on your way to the event.
When you are about to walk into the room, pause in the doorway, remind yourself of your goal for the event, and correct your posture - don’t slouch!
Say hello like an adult - smile and give a firm handshake. Remember, real smiles include relaxing your eyes, this is not an exercise in showing teeth.
Show interest in the conversation and ask open-ended questions. Try hard not to get distracted while your question is being answered.
Don’t be a jerk and interfere when others are talking. You aren’t in kindergarten, you’re a grown adult...wait your turn. Then, ask clarifying questions to show that you are listening.
While you’re standing there, trying not to get distracted, make sure to check your body language. That’s a whole topic itself and will be discussed later. Bottom line, make sure your toes are pointing towards the person you’re listening to, don’t cross your arms, and try to smile.
Heads up - nobody wants to hear about your problems. Save that for your therapist. Being categorized as a complainer or “Debbie Downer” isn’t helpful for making friends, networking, finding someone to date. Keep the conversation positive - there is no room for negativity! If you find that you can’t help but highlight all of the world’s miseries and you’re the human equivalent of Eeyore, then listen even more than you speak.
Remember when Grandma would say, “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all”? Well, that applies to dirty jokes and anything disparaging about other people. Don’t make yourself feel comfortable by making others uncomfortable. That’s a jerk move. Instead, have fun, enjoy yourself in a group positive way.
If the person is talking about a project or anything else that may need some amount of help, offer to help. I always ask, “how can I help make your life easier?” If they need an introduction or something that can be addressed using my phone, I do it right then and there. While the phone is already out, I also exchange contact information and connect on LinkedIn/Facebook/Instagram - whatever is their preferred social media platform.
Once you’ve done each of the above, exchanged information and agreed on some sort of follow-up or action plan, move on to meeting other people. Keep doing this until you have made at least three different contacts. To me, that’s a successful excursion into the land of strangers.